Photo by Emily from Military Love

Saturday, January 29, 2011

No place that far

Click Here  <<Another song that I relate too :) Love him so much!

I am one of the happiest girls in the world tonight. I picked up the phone tonight to hear my love's voice. I felt like a teenager on her first date again, I had butterfly in my stomach just hearing his voice at the other end of the phone. I don't know that there will be a day that he can be gone and me not feel like that teenage girl to see or hear him!
He told me a date he is suppose to fly home next week but I am trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes set on that day, just because i've been around the Army long enough to know anything can happen to cause that date to change.
I feel like I still have a dozen things to tell him and ask him about, but really I am just so happy that I finally got to hear his voice. <3
Now that my freinds and I have heard when our hubbies our suppose to be coming home (which are all different days by the way, lol, that stinks!) we are going to try to make this next week fly by!! Wish us luck!

Abby May

Friday, January 28, 2011

1:35 AM

Its after one in the morning and I lay here awake. It's all his fault of course, my mind cannot wander away from him. It's amazing how much my heart can love that man so much. In fact Brad Paisley's song "then" perfectly explains, how my heart feels towards my husband. If you haven't heard it  click here
As I have stated before, I do believe distance makes the heart grow fonder. No civilian wife will ever know the feelings I get when I see my soldier after weeks, months, or a year for the first time. It gives me the butterfly's I had when he first kissed me.
I still remember the first time I took him to meet my parents. I was so nervous, I couldnt wait to introduce the man that I would spend the rest of my life in love with. Now three years later, my family knows as well as I do what an amazing man I have in my life. I am so blessed to have such a supportive family towards Joseph and I and our lifestyle.
I know Joe being gone has a lot to do with it, but my baby fever has been on an all time high lately :). But it comes and goes. Sometimes I think about and know that I am not "ready" to have the responsibility of a child. But I know for sure that one day I will be oh so proud to have a child with my husband, knowing he/she is something we made together and nothing else will compare.
Joe and I have hurdles to climb that not every married couple have to face, including military couples. But I am here for the long run and I will do anything for my husband and I know he will do the same.
It makes me feel so good knowing I have a husband that wants to provide for me, us, in every way possible. He truly is a blessing and I think God everyday for putting him in my life. No matter the roads we both traveled to get where we are, every mile was worth it.
There are days I wonder if I am cut out for the military lifestyle, but then I remember all the amazing friendships i've made on this journey and the most supportive family that will be there for me whether I am at rock bottom or sky high, and most definatley the husband I have. All that, makes these long nights, alone, worth every minute of sadness I may feel in my entire life.
I am such a sap for song lyrics! In fact I am going to put up a list of deployment songs that I will sit and listen to and cry to for hours :), one of these days that is, i have to get them together!

"I can't live without,
All I think about,
All I want is you,
You're all I dream about,
I can't live without,
All I want is you,
I just can't live without you,
When all I think about is you,
And all I want is you"

-All I want by Staind <3

Friday, January 21, 2011

Not my Day

So due to my own stupidity, i cost my self an extra 4 credit hours of school that won't go towards my bachelors degree. Which means I have to take 3 classes next 8 weeks instead of 2. I should mention I have never tried doing 3 classes in one 8 week session. The only good that has come out of this is it will improve my GPA a little, which can never hurt.

What else, oh yes, I have a team for my class paper that doesn't help but maybe 20% each week. Ugh, so stressful. But I am trying to do my share of the work and theirs so I can pass the class, boo!

Today is day 8 of no talking to Joseph. Thankfully, only have 2-7 days left before we get to talk again. The days have been going by pretty quickly though between school and hanging with the girls. Thank goodness for them. I would be going insane without friends here.

I am so ready for this deployment to get started so it can be over with faster. That may sound bad, but to be honest I hate thinking about it knowing it's so soon. I am excited to be close to my family for 10 months. It will make the time go so much faster!

It's almost my favorite part of the day, bedtime. I love going to bed because when I wake up I know i'm another day closer to seeing my hubby. Well it feels nice to vent :D


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

An old note from 2010

Home Is Where He Is Abby Sheets on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 11:59pm

This past week has been good for me. I have met wonderful people that I can call my friends and at just the perfect time while Joseph is away. God is so amazing, thats just how he works. My biggest fear is being alone, with no one to turn to if I need someone to talk to, vent to, hang out with, keep me sane, hold my heart together. In same way, shape or form through this whole military business, I have been blessed enough to find the support I need. I can say I am "home sick" but the truth is, it doesn't feel like home if Joseph isn't there. 

I sometimes wonder if I am strong enough to live this lifestyle, not knowing when my husband may have to work weekends, or week days strait, or being here without him for months due to deployment. That is when my support system kicks in and brings me back to my senses. Of course I can do this, I have been doing it for almost three years. You aren't human if you do not doubt yourself once in a while, at least thats what i've heard. 

Hawaii, everyone says it paradise. Well let me tell you about paradise, lol. It feels just like Kansas in most aspects. I cook, clean, do laundry, do homework, hang out with friends, enjoy time with my husband when he isn't working, yep thats just what I did in Kansas. Only difference is, I miss my family a lot and my friends, some whom I haven't been separated from since middle school. And the other definite changes being, I can go to beach, swim, snorkel, go fishing, etc. when ever I have free time. And yes that is what most of you think of when you think of Hawaii. Not the normal stuff :)

I have learned a lot since moving to Hawaii as well. Did you know that marriage is work?? Haha, ok so I knew that before we moved here. But a lot has came to me that I didn't see as clearly back home with so many others around me. I now know what is like to fully depend on my husband for every part of my life, financially, emotionally, and physically to have someone to hang out with. I had never moved anywhere before where I only had one person to depend on for everything. We have definitely learned that we have to be more patient, flexible and easy going. 

Job...uhhh what job!? Yes, it is so hard to get a job here. I have never had so much trouble getting a job. Part time, full time, flex, on call, anything I would take at this point to cure my boredom and OCD lol. I am used to having a schedule. And I also felt like I was contributing more to the bank when I went to work. I have even tried using spousal preference for on post jobs and after all these months and applying for jobs, I have had one interview. But I stick to the theory, everything happens for a reason!


Abby May

To be honest I am in the position now as I was then. I still have great friends and family to depend to keep my life stable when my husband can't be here. There are def things from year to year that I am glad have changed but having an amazing support system is something I wouldn't mind keeping forever! 

Today is my husbands birthday and it really stinks that I can't even send him a text, a phonecall, an email, anything to let him know I am thinking of him. Even though he hates his birthday because he thinks he is getting old HAHA. It may sound weird and unreasonable but I already feel like we are growing old together. When I met Joe i was still considered a teenager :) now look at us going on 3 years later. 

Monday, January 17, 2011

Another night I lay here in bed with a million thoughts going through my head. Is my husband sleeping right now, what exactly are my plans for deployment, do I really step on peoples toes more often than I realize with my big mouth and outspokeness? Yes, that is how much crazyness and randomness is going through my mind as I lay here lol. I heard a line on tv today that went something like this "we all know distance does not make the heart grow fonder, it only makes us realize how we can go on without the other person." but see I disagree with that. As much as I dislike Joseph being gone I am always thankful for the eye opening experience I have. It always reminds me of how lucky I am to have found this amazing man at a young age and known I wanted to spend my life with him as my husband and that I get too. I remember so many people having reservations about us getting married so soon and I'm not saying there hasn't been times I've had to fight for our marriage to work but I am so very thankful that we've proven them all wrong and that we fought to keep our happyness. I was reading my friends blog about unanswered prayers and it reminds me of my similar situation. Ever since Joe and I got married I've related so closely to Garth Brooke's song "Unanswered Prayers". See for 2 years of my life I thouht I was with the one God had picked for me. And even the times I knew in my heart that it may be my blind love that was teling me that I would pray every moment I got that God would show me what to do to make us work but I only buried myself deeper into this hole pain that took me a long time to get out of. I strongly agree that everything happens for a reason and that I had to through all the ups and downs to get to that hole. If it weren't for that hole o never would of found the Man I now call my husband.
Deployment. Blah. I don't want my husband going back into a war zone but I know it's his job and he makes me oh so proud every day. The upside is I get the opportunity to move closer to my amazing family! I'm still working out all the kinks but I know it will all pAn out the way God intends it too. Sometimes I forget that I don't have to take on this big ol world alone. God is always there whether I remember or not. He's been through more with me than anyone on this earth. I just need to step back and breathe every once in a while and remember that.

Friday, January 14, 2011

NTC again, lovely!

It's been exactly seven days since Joseph left for NTC the second time. I don't remember all of my feelings from the first time but I do know it has been a lot different this time. The first time was summer of '08. While he was gone I was working at Dara's gas station and living in Manhattan. My family and friends and I were planning Joseph and I's wedding. As you could imagine we were more than busy. I can say I was more anxious last time. Although I still sometimes say I am new to this Army life, in '08 I was way more immature to the life I have adjusted to now. I would let things get to me a lot more. When they changed dates of them coming home I would bawl and bawl and bawl. This time around I am telling myself, I will not let my heart get set on a date of return until it gets closer and more realistic. I have a hard time not being able to go by a plan. Being married to the military, that is a bad way to look at things. You have to be ready for things to change up to the minute of it happening. One thing that is different this go around is they had to turn in their phones before they went out to "the box" So I have been communicating with Joseph up until last night when he had to turn in his phone. They told him they will be out in "the box" for 10-15 days. My first reaction...AHHHHHHHH. The first thought that came to my mind was, "the longest I went without ANY form of communication even during deployment was 4-5 days". It just doesn't seem like a realistic exercise to me. But that's his job and I have to be able to snap out of my attitude in a timely manner or it will only cause strain on our relationship as a couple. As for NTC overall, I don't think I have allowed myself to even go near my feelings of missing Joe or realizing he's gone for a while. I am just keeping my self busy with friends, gym, homework and up until today, knowing that at one point during the day I was going to get to hear from him.  Today is day 1 of "the box" so I am going into it with a positive mindset. Going to the gym, socializing with friends, doing some homework and watching lots of episodes of tv shows off my dvr and netflix :).